I freakin’ hate Javascript!

Wait, I actually freakin’ loathe it! And since I’m currently and unintentionally involved in a big project demanding JS, all my old hatred shall spill in this post. That or I’ll just go out in the streets screaming like a lunatic.

I’ve worked with most of the great languages, loved some, liked some, disliked some, but Javascript – now there’s an absolutely horrific story of hate at first sight. Never in my entire programming career have I come so close to smashing the computer and/or my own head than when I had to deal with prodigious complexity in Javascript.

I hate Javascript’s pathetic lack of power, its impotence in doing truly great stuff easily, at least PHP-style, if not the king’s (C++) way. The way you have to beat around the bush just mimicking programming slickness is tiresome to say the least.

I totally hate Javascript’s sick way of dealing with type casting and variable instancing, its imbecile and childish simplicity, its elitist (read: dumb) approach to OOP. Not to mention the gruesome task of debugging Javascript code, which is, I know that now, just one of the ordeals developed for programmers in Hell, and being tested in this world, as we speak.

Uh, and I absolutely hate JS’ crawling performance, it’s one of the slowest interpreted languages I know, in a medium already suffering of lacking speed and thus needing all additional help it can get.

Not to mention the intensity with which I hate Javascript’s stupefying disregard for security, allowing for that disgusting script-kiddie creature to spawn and thrive among sane men.

Finally, I strongly hate the fact the some people, somewhere, in the mists of the beginnings, decided that client-side dynamics are not that important altogether, so why not just invent a mockery of a model and language to deal with those needs, and then make it like, a standard. That subsequently, due to its crappy nature, eventually became an incredible mess, so much so that developers are actually required to test for JS language features just to correctly detect the browser! WTF?!

And so, there actually are users that disable Javascript in their browsers, missing on all those wonders that took excruciating hours to develop.

Oh yes, and there’s no other alternative to this crap, by the way. It’s like this conspiracy around this motif: let’s not develop something powerful and suitable for client-side programming, ain’t it funnier the way we have it now? Nope, it is not.  The damned thing doesn’t even have a “brand” logo, for God’s sake!

Thanks again, Brendan.

And this is not as funny as you may be inclined to think…

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30 thoughts on “I freakin’ hate Javascript!

  1. Hey, I am with you, I am learning web development and javascript is such a ball busting language. I wish all languages were as easy as php or c++

  2. Yep. Some masochist developers seem to like JS, though. Instead of Javascript for server-side (a novel and silly trend), we should be developing PHP for client-side.

  3. The problem most people have with JavaScript is that they want to treat it like C or Java but JS in neither: JavaScript is Scheme masquerading as C. If you treat it like a functional language it’s much nicer to work with.

  4. I can’t stand JS. It doesn’t talk to me, I don’t understand it. I’ve picked up PHP developping in a matter of a few days, but JS, man, it just lacks any sort of logic.

  5. @blurg PHP is *meant* to be stupid easy to learn. And unless you have some kind of learning disability you *should* be able to pick it up in a few days time. JavaScript, on the other hand, is essentially Scheme (like I said before) and Scheme is completely different from PHP and the languages that inspired it. So please, don’t complain about how “hard” it is to learn JavaScript until you can prove proficiency in something other than PHP (and preferably not Java).

  6. i don’t completely agree. Many scripting languages are like JS. I mean not having type safety, not caring about variable, even object initializations etc. I don’t prefer these, either. But the point is it’s not about JS, it’s about not being used to langauges like these.

    I never developed a huge site like Facebook. But I’ve developed a lot of websites using JS and used Ajax like technologies. It was never a big problem for me. I agree that when the projects get bigger, using JS gets harder. But this also applies to all other languages. If you know how to use the language well, you can have tidy, bug free, secure project using JS as well.

    I’ve used MaxScript, ActionScript 2 (AS3 is not in this category), Lingo etc. All of them are suffering of the same missing features. But when you get used to them, life gets easier.

  7. I hate Javascript with passion. My first languages were C/C++ (well technically it was Pascal even), then I learned Java, and scripting stuff like Perl, shells, etc. I can even like Perl (though many hate it)–it’s like C wrapped in ready structures for simplicity… but Javascript? It’s a nightmarish time waster; it does arbitrary things behind the scenes that you spend wasted hours of your life figuring out. No way I’m going to touch it again.. In face I dislike web programming in general (may be cause my first introduction to it came via Javascript?)

  8. @zani: I feel your pain, trust me. Don’t give up on web programming. Try jQuery for your Javascript, it makes life a hell of a lot more easier, the price being you have to learn yet another paradigm just to make JS bearable.

  9. thanks for the ranting, I hate JS with a passion, I’m working in .Net and all solutions that I develop in .Net ALWAYS force me to write a client side method to make up for what Bill and his cronies have missed. F^&Kin god help me!! I work around other programmers that cream their jeans about Javascript. Thank god for Firebug or I’d throw my computer at them every time they force me to “walk the DOM” and use stuff like GetElementby whatever… God save us from this horrible nightmare that has become a staple of web development.

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